The Lesser of Two Evils
by Magic-Amethyst80
Summary: Brian Finch thought he could sink now lower than he had two years ago, he was wrong. The effects of NZT proove to be too much for him. Trigger warning for suicide.


_Author_ _'_ _s Note: I thank my Beta, Nicol-Leoraine/Leoraine. Trigger warning for suicide!_

"This is getting to be too much," non NZT Brian told his alter ego, NZT Brian in desperation. "It is our fault that he died. If it weren't for us, he would still be alive. What if he had a family and some kids? That poor dude who had done nothing wrong, now he is dead, and we are the ones to blame." He said as he looked his NZT multi colored, button down sweater clad, self in the eye. He still could not get rid of the guilt from playing a role in the poor evidence room clerk's death.

"None of this is our fault. Things like that happen, he could have randomly eaten a peanut, he should have had his Epi Pen with him. It was a causality of the job." NZT Brian dismissively shot back then watched as his non NZT self polished off the last of a burger from Shake Shack.

Non NZT Brian responded, "I'm not cool with what we are becoming, I can't take this anymore. I don't like what you are turning me into. Each time I become you, I become a monster. You are becoming the worst version of me ever, even worse than Junkie Brian."

A second later both versions of Brian jumped back as a third version of Brian stumbled into the room. This was Junkie Brian whose bloodshot eyes, worn out hoodie sweatshirt, and unshaven face conveyed a version of Brian who had let himself go. The version of himself that everyone hated. The version of himself he swore he would never become again. But regular Brian ran up to him and gave him a hug.

NZT Brian shook his head, "Is this what you want to be? You think you are better off with him? He got you ostracized from the family, left back a year in high school, then kicked out of college. For the past two years you have worked your ass off trying not to be him."

Regular Brian shrugged. "But I'm tired of trying not to be him. Even when I'm you I think about how nice it would be to be him, the way you crave knowledge, and Uncle Art craves bacon, I crave dope," he explained.

Thinking back to two years ago, when he thought he had hit rock bottom while using heroine and that things couldn't get worse, his life on NZT was worse. This was a mess that neither his father nor could Rebecca could get him out of. There was only one way out, death. He had lived on his own terms, and he wanted to die on his own terms, not painfully at the hands of Eddie Morra or Sands.

A weakening NZT Brian made another plea, "Do you want dad getting power of attorney again and forcing you to spend six months in the toughest rehab ever?"

"If that happens I still can become you a few more times. I'll let you figure out a way to get out of there," Brian dismissively responded.

NZT Brian continued, "What about being banned from Jayden's life? Because of Junkie Brian, we missed all kinds of important moments with our nephew."

"I hate seeing my siblings grow up, they aren't fun anymore." Junkie Brian answered.

"Keep him out of this, both of you," drug free Brian pleaded. "Jayden is an innocent baby, don't drag him into this."

Junkie Brian went up to his non NZT self, "You are right," he said as he put his arm around him, "at least my actions don't potentially hurt Jayden," he said as he looked at NZT Brian. He reassuringly turned back to look at his non NZT self, "We will just stay out of his life. No worrying about some bad man hurting Jayden, no worrying about anything, just total bliss 24/7 or whenever we can find it."

Drug free Brian responded, "I was better off with him than I was on with you," he said as he looked apologetically at NZT Brian. "I think about it all the time NZT is nice, but being junkie Brian just isn't as stressful. Junkie Brian was horrible, but at least no one who counted died."

His NZT self jumped back in shock, "I'll make you a genius, you can be as powerful as Eddie Morra. Isn't that what you want for yourself?"

Brian went to his bag and pulled out a plastic spoon, a cigarette lighter, and a hypodermic needle.

"You can't do this to me!" a weakening NZT Brian pleaded.

Brian melted his drug of choice with the cigarette lighter. When the solid became liquid he took the syringe out, drew the plunger back and carefully watched as the needle filled with the liquid.

Being on NZT was nice, but heroine was nicer, it was calmer, warmer, nothing bad could happen to him now. No one could give him a slow painful death. In a lot of ways he was dead before he had even tried NZT.

He stuck the needle in his arm, it had been so long since he had done this, he knew that the dose he was taking was larger than what he had done the last time when his body was more accustomed to the stuff. But for now, too much was just right, it would make everything go away, he thought to himself as a nice, warm comfortably numb sensation began to overtake him.

If he died, there wasn't much he was going to leave behind. Sure he had done a lot of good things on NZT, but they didn't outweigh the bad that being on NZT brought to him and all those around him. His father was saved; Jayden would get an awesome granddad in his life which was far better than an uncle he didn't speak to. No more worrying about things happening to those he loved.


End file.
